Best Man Wedding Speech

Ahem! Settle down every one. Now then, Ladies and Gentleman, you knew I was going to say that didn’t you. I am extraordinarily happy, probably due to the wine but that’s another story, and relieved, because I remembered to go before I started this, to be here today.

It is always nice to be at a wedding when it isn’t your own.

The glamorous bride was looking quite nervous earlier this morning so I felt it my duty to settle her down. I sat her down and asked her exactly what the problem was. She replied she was nervous and afraid that she just would not remember what to do during the wedding. Now, these things are complicated events to organise and as the best man I just knew it was my chance to show how much I really had not learned so far. But I did remember that it really boils down to remembering three things; first the aisle, because that is where she will be walking down. Secondly, the alter because that is where she   will arrive for the ceremony and finally, the hymn because that is the queue for when the service will begin. Later today when she was walking up the aisle imagine how surprised I was to hear her chanting these three words. Aisle, Alter, Hymn – Aisle, Alter, Hymn. Eek.

Seriously though, the bride told me she would go to hell and back for the groom and fortunately now they have finally tied the know we can see she his well on her way. Well, love is one long sweet dream so I guess marriage must be the alarm clock.

I asked the room why the bride was getting married in white. Between you and me he told me it is so she will blend in with everything else in the kitchen – cheeky boy. Mind you, I asked the bride why she was looking frustrated and keeps reading the marriage license over and over; she told me she was desperately looking for a loophole.

But now they are married and this is the beginning of their adventure. I have heard that married life can be very frustrating; in the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbours listen. By the fourth year nobody is listening.

Remember groom, now you are married to the beautiful bride, it is extremely important when you are having discussions with your new wife, that you always get these last two words in "Yes Dear" and you also need to remember that it really does not matter how often a married man changes his job, he still ends up with the same boss.

On a serious note, I would like to thank you all for being here today, and I would like to thank everyone involved in organising such as splendid day. I think all I have to do now is wish this radiant couple all the good luck, health and happiness in the world.

May I ask you all to stand, and raise your glasses where the father of the bride will propose the toast – and no, it will not be the pate!